Just Pretend I Didn't Tear Your World Apart

Beans

2010-02-19T03:40:00.003-05:00

I found this application that tracks your mouse movement in the background for however long you let the program run. I think the visualization is really beautiful. (And telling? Maybe not.)

For a lot of reasons--and none that were extraordinary in any way--I had a really rough two weeks. It culminated yesterday with my feeling totally at a loss and really uncomfortably anxious about everything. But I spent the night with my new friend Mae, who is just the coolest, and it fixed everything.

I think I just got so wrapped up in school and how much I have to do (that I really don't care to do at all) that I forgot to breathe. So I spent Wednesday on the verge of something awful because I had no perspective. And now I do, thanks to spending time with Mae and her roommate Tabby. Who is Mae's cat.

I had the most encouraging feeling when I woke up today because I have this new friend and she is exactly the kind of person I want to know, and I am done with my rut because I decided to be. I had big plans for my day, and while I did clean out the shower drain and I can now take a shower without ending up in a bath, I didn't exactly get many things done. Except the chili. I made chili today, all day, because I had to go buy more ingredients and crock pots take their time. I had been craving it, so I made it, and it was good. Is good. The ten gallons we have left will be good. And Glenn came over to have dinner, which was a nice thing.

And tomorrow, more of the doing! (And more chili.)

Stumbling.

2010-02-06T22:20:00.003-05:00

I've been doing a lot of it. Here are some cool things I have found.

For font nerds.

You could tell it your secrets.

Really nice photos.

Aweeesommmme.

RAAARRRRRRRR!!!

A little graphic, but I love the things you can do with just text.

Pretty impressive.

Wordle

2010-01-28T14:49:00.002-05:00

alt="Wordle: blog" style="padding:4px;border:1px solid #ddd" />

Ponies and Politicos

2009-12-11T01:35:00.004-05:00

Since when is facebook a place to shit out all of your political shit? I don't care about another mistake Fox News made or some stupid poll that doesn't mean anything. But it's everywhere and it won't stop and I wish it would, because I am sick of having to ignore all of it.

If you want to talk politics, hop-to. Hell, I am perfectly okay with people blogging their faces off about everything they found on the big wide internet this morning. But posting shit as you find it every 20 minutes and taking your stance on government and news media and blahblahblah and laughing with your bffs over how dumb an entire group of people are on facebook is so annoying. SO annoying. To me, particularly.

I've always been moderate, politically, because I don't like politics and I only care about it at all because you have to, at least as far as it affects you and your life. But lately I find myself more interested in opposing whatever fanatics I find myself amongst, and it is increasingly difficult to find a group of people who don't all lean all the way one way. I'm so tired of listening to people make the same arguments and bash the same groups and do that same old shit. So tired.

I want to talk about something good. Something exciting and interesting and worth my while.

Even if it's ponies. Because I like ponies, and ponies--as a conversation topic--never made anyone look ugly to me.

I am going to bitch about this, god damnit.

2009-12-03T19:20:00.003-05:00

And I can't think of a better place to do it.

I cannot tolerate where WREK seems to be heading. The bullshit surrounding student organizations in general, and the things I have seen happening more specifically. It seems to me that it has taken a 180 and things keep getting changed or removed or streamlined or bullshitbullshitbullshit, and I have a perma-temper about it. Because, damnit, it was my favorite thing on campus forever. My forever, since I knew I could be a part of it until. Until recently, when it took the turn. Or it was made to take the turn. I know things change, but damnit, not everything needs changing, and not all change is improvement.

I just want it to be WREK again, and I don't think it will be for a while. That is, WREK will always be WREK because it has its own momentum and everything, but I am not happy there any more, and it kills me because I want to love it again but I just can't.

Better.

Myyy Little Life

2009-07-07T02:11:00.005-04:00

I have been doing a lot of sitting lately On the way to work on the trolley, at home after work in front of the TV. In fact, almost all f the time I am at home lately I am sitting on the couch. It is only recently, though, that I have begun doing something with that time I am making things, and I am so happy for it. It started with some silly friendship bracelets I made several nights ago. I have also been doing a lot of reading, which I have missed. And I have been watching a lot of movies which is a kind of progress in its own right, in my opinion.

Anyhow, here are the things I have made in the last two days. I am very pleased with myself (especially since the tree is something I thought of doing almost three years ago, and the scarf is something I started more than six months ago). And so,

I like them.

Goodbye Rosie, The Queen of Corona

2009-06-25T02:40:00.011-04:00

I was just watching Colbert Report, and the guest was Matthew Crawford, author of Shop Class as Soulcraft: And Inquiry Into The Value of Work

Not that I have read the book or anything, but my gut is telling me he may be ripping off (read: alluding to) Robert M. Pirsig, the author of Zen and The Art of Motorcycle Maintenance. There's your immediate similarity. But it goes further. Pirsig's other book (which I have also not read, but I own and will read any day now...) is called Lila: An Inquiry into Morals. BAM! Number two.

This is Pirsig on his motorcycle with his son on the trip I can only assume is the subject of Zen and The Art of Motorcycle Maintenance. (I like this picture very much.):

The guy (Crawford) was a good interviewee and I liked what he had to say, but I am territorial about books and often jump to conclusions based on very little information, so that guy can go to HELL! Not really, I just wanted to show off my literary brilliance and what-have-you-et-cetera-blah.

In other news, (note: I have come to adore this turn of phrase for no discernable reason) I recently went to California, which was pretty cool. It tested my limits in a way, because it was with my parents and sister and we were in veryveryvery close proximity for the extent of the trip, mostly in a stupidumbass car that perceivably-though-not-really fishtailed its way through all of the tiny, winding, framed-by-steep-cliffs-on-both-sides-and-sometimes-oceans-below roads in California. Or so it seemed. I basically plowed through my collection of Rolaids. Overall I really enjoyed myself, but I came back feeling totally removed from my life even though I was only gone for a week and a half. As if by some amazing force of nature, to make this feeling even more apparent I managed to misplace my calendar/datebook/beautiful Molskine/security blanket in a cold, cluttered world. I have had that particular one for well over a year, and I not only kept track of things I couldn't afford to forget, I wrote down the little things I did most days that I knew I wouldn't be able to recall without some sort of stupid mnemonic that only I would get.

I spent the first week or so I was back asking around, looking everywhere, mass texting everyone I saw before the trip, considering calling all hotels/airlines/places we were/used, and generally freaking out about it because, goddamnit, I lost my life for the last year (in a way). I put off buying a new anything to try and replace the old one, because I didn't want to give up on it, and I kept thinking it would just pop up out of my couch cushions or someone would surprise me with it because I forgot to ask them and they found it. (This is sort of the point where I began to seriously regret that under the "If found, please return to..." information, I wrote in "gratitude" as the reward for returning my book to me. I didn't even capitalize it.)

I caved a couple of days ago and went to buy a whole new Molskine. And I feel like I have lost some of myself. It sounds dumb, I know, but there are just some things you find yourself with that take on way more meaning than they were ever meant to. It was just a calendar, but it was the place I could put everything down and keep track of it all. That is one thing I have always been in need of: a means to keep my shit together. Because I am no good all on my lonesome. And here I find myself on my lonesome. (On my lonesome? Whoever coined that didn't try very hard.) Also, the calendar doesn't start being useful until the 29th, and that is not the day I am living right now. I am sure I will stop caring about it eventually, but I am still holding on to that little sparkle of hope that MY calendar, the one I have marked up, highlighted and loved and been laughed at for loving so much will turn up. (Let me know if you see it.)

Charly is in Hawaii via Reno (she is temporarily in Reno for an internship, but she is even more immediately and even more temporarily in Hawaii) going to luaus, learning to surf, trying to skydive but being thwarted by heavy wind, Hawaiiing her way through the week. And seminars or whatever. Por ejemplo:

(Text Messages From Tonight)
Me: Everyone is dead. Or just unavailable. I'm fucking sick of hanging out with me.
Charly: I'll try to think of you at the luau.

She is so darling. Of The Darling Traveler Darlings. Which (throwback to the texts) brings me rather bluntly to my next point. I have been very much on my own for the last few days. Empty house and little old me just hanging out in my living room when I'm not at work. I like myself fairly well currently, and very much most of the time, but I am very disappointed in my tendency to feel bored when I am alone. Occasionally I notice myself doing this, and then I all-of-a-sudden have got to get up and do something. I am bewildered by what it is I have been choosing, though. Last night, for instance, I made two friendship bracelets. I have no intention of giving them to anyone, and (in this moment of full disclosure) somehow fell asleep modeling the pinker of the two on my neck, and walked into the bathroom this morning with it mildly tangled in my hair.

This is my life. It's pretty okay.

West Wing is on, so here's this:

Paul is so tiny!

This is my preference though.

I am Googleplexed.

2009-04-09T03:20:00.005-04:00

I google myself periodically to see what I have been doing with my life, and what my dopple-name-gers are doing with my life (ah-hah!).

I found some things out tonight, and was reminded of how awesome CM is. For instance:
-I had a class with Calvin Johnson and didn't know it.
-I am featured on Ian Bogost's site under student projects and I can't figure out how a person could play our silly AvP game without an Atari2600 emulator and all that shit is a pain to set up, but still, as Bill Leahy (one of my current totally badass professors) says of Ian, he is a sort of video game rockstar and there I am on his website! Wowie!
-People in the IAC actually care! And WREK is awesome!
-The Duluth Beta Club's Xanga reminded me that some girl gave me credit for 30 hours of service when really I only accomplished about 3. And that was by selling candy. Most of which I bought from myself. I miss high school sometimes, but I never miss community service.
-There is a Kristi Champion in Van Vleck, Texas who is more famous than me. I will beat her.
-This is a really awesome abstract avatar creator my group did as a project for a class. I can't say I had much to do with its construction, aside from some intense html docs. I had more to say about the design and offered to buy my awesome, flash-savvy group-mate snacks. It is tiny and a little hard to read, but the concept is awesome.

Annnd, that's enough about me. For now.

Some Little Things

2009-04-05T18:37:00.006-04:00

I thought they smelled bad on the outside.

In other news, I want a dwarf hamster. I have been craving a small animal for about two years, because I love little things and I especially love when they are living and breathing and wriggly. But I have figured out exactly what I would like. They are called Roborovski Dwarf Hamsters, and they are absolutely the cutest of the cute:

They need a lot of space, but I have read that they are okay with being alone, as they tend to be territorial and sometimes aggressive. But still so cute and tiny!
Now I just need a landlord who will let me have pets, more expendable income and time.

I am fairly confident that I could do the pet thing, as I have yet to kill my orchid. I have just found out that it wasn't dead. It was only hibernating in a very dead-looking way. But we have growth! And I am happy!

Who knew The Simpsons was back on? I didn't until tonight. I miss the old ones I grew up on.

The end!

Hot dogs, Hot dogs, Hot dogs: Ark

2009-04-05T17:59:00.000-04:00

Hot dogs, Hot dogs, Hot dogs: Ark

Trey posted this, and I think it is well worth a few minutes of your time.

Champoon

2009-04-03T19:42:00.005-04:00

About a million people have misspelled some part of my name at some point in my life:
Kristy, Kristie, Christy, Christie, Christi, Krissy, Christine, etc.
Champlain, Champin, Champon, Chapman, Champlin, etc.

But last night I got my favorite misspelling ever: Champoon
And I am the one who misspelled it. Dumb? Yes. Hilarious? Absolutely. My life is simple.

In other news, everything has become very frustrating/challenging in the last week. And while I have been more exhausted and stressed out than I ever thought possible, I have learned some things which I will now share with you.
ISSUE 1 - My computer got an awful virus and I have since been working to clean off everything I care about from my hard drive - buuuut, my computer overheats if I make it do too much, so every few transfers it will just shut down and I have to restart in safe mode and it is so, so, so annoying.
SUBSEQUENT LESSON - Please, for the love of whatever it is you care about, protect your computer (and so your precious memories/work/files) with all the spyware and all of the precautions you can stand.

I just lost all interest in continuing. Lucky you!

Hug Jobs

2009-03-22T17:07:00.004-04:00

A while ago I stayed up all night going through the entire archive of A Softer World, and every time one of the comics reminded me of someone, I posted it to their facebook wall. (What a world it is when this is how I connect with people I care about.) Jeremy was kind enough to share one of the more recent strips with me, as we are on opposing sides in a hug-o-war, that just delighted me. It's explanation on the site was also very delightful, so you can read that below.

"Man more people should be into hug jobs. Why should sex be the only kind of loving that people do casually? Why not go out, get wasted, hug in an alley and feel close to someone and get all charged up and then never call them again? This is the solution to the worlds problems. The hug job."

Read A Softer World.

That's Why You Always Leave A Note

2009-03-08T13:15:00.006-04:00

Lessons

1. Do not get into a fight with someone right before you are going to get into a car with them for any length of time.
2. If you can rely on only yourself in any given situation, that is best. That is, you should avoid situating yourself such that doing what you need to do relies on someone else.

On a not totally unrelated note, I have been reading Confessions of a Recovering Slut by Hollis Gillespie. It's a collection of her essays/articles, which used to be featured in Creative Loafing. (And they were the entire reason I ever picked up Creative Loafing. Except maybe Jonesin'. I am totally gay for crosswords.) Plus all of her pieces are about two and a half pages long, which is great because I like to read in cute little chunks. The thing about the book, though. It is absolutely great. She nearly brings me to tears every ten pages or so, but I am laughing the whole time. Definitely recommended.

There is one bit I read last night that made my brain and heart explode because I just liked it that much. It's about her daughter, but I am not even sure if it will read correctly or mean anything out of context. It's just one of those little passages that struck a chord with me. Like a word that feels good on your tongue. So here goes:

"...there your heart is, all bundled up and teetering around outside of you, all big-eyed and vanilla-smelling and dough-bellied, with tiny ears like intricate seashells you could stare at all day. There your heart is, smiling and laughing and waving at you from a distance, ready to be plucked like a little button mushroom. All you can do is watch, but at least watching is something."

KITTENS!!!

2009-02-24T00:04:00.000-05:00

I want this to be my kid. Or, you know, my kid to be like this.

Red Balloons

2009-01-30T00:20:00.002-05:00

I saw some of this movie on ifc or something like that, and I have wanted to see it since.

There is also a move called Flight of The Red Ballon that s much more recent with Juliette Binoche that also looks really, really good.

I will fabricate my own legacy.

2009-01-09T00:50:00.003-05:00

I just spent a little while catching up on my buddies' blogs, and I liked what I saw. There was one thing I wanted to share, though. Trey wrote about Creative Buoyancy, which really piqued my interest. Mostly because I spend almost all of my time consuming - especially lately - and hardly any producing. And I love producing. So I think I may try to spend a week tracking what it is I actually am doing with my time, because I know that it is not generally the best thing I could be doing.

These are the facts: it is a new year, it is a new semester, and I get older every day. They are pressing harder on my brain than other things right now because I have been so technically unproductive with my time for such a long while. I have been happy ad enjoying myself, but I don't really have anything to show for it.

That isn't entirely true. I have half of a really great scarf I have been working on. And that is good. But it isn't enough. I am going to start doing things. Right now.

Also hanging out with people. The people who make my life better and more full. Mary made me cheese toast and tea today, and it was so great. I love those little things. And cheese toast.

If anyone ever wants to play Scrabble of any sort ever, I am so interested. I lovelovelove it and no one else does. And Yahtzee. Does anyone play it anymore? I would really like to, but that makes me dumb and boring and alone.

What I Never Knew I Never Knew

2008-12-12T00:09:00.004-05:00

Since I found Water Babies (ref: previous blogggggggogog) I have been watching YouTube videos of Disney shorts, mostly trying to find the ones I used to watch all the time as a kid. I found one called Donald's Ostrich that I loved a lot, and I found something funny when I was watching it:

It is a doctor's alamnac, listing cures for all sorts of things:
Hangovers - Place cold towels
Hookworm - Good for fish bait
Hydrophobia - Call Veterinary
Hundred Year Itch - Place hot towels

Awesome.

You can watch the whole video here, and if you like Disney cartoons at all, I think it's a good one.

If you start looking back through old things like this, you'll find a lot of stuff that is fairly unbelievable. There is a similar short called Donald's Penguin where Donald, at one point, is going to shoot a little penguin in the back of the head with a shotgun for eating some fish. Could NOT do that now, I think.

I guess that's why they call them the good ol' days.

Water Babies

2008-12-11T22:36:00.002-05:00

The following video is likely one of the more influential things I came into contact with when I was a child. Charly and I watched it all the time, and I still love it more than most things.

I wish I had more to offer than videos I like, but I just don't.

They got me!

2008-12-06T13:17:00.000-05:00

Good Old Racism

2008-11-27T18:40:00.002-05:00

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jena_Six

I love these things. What I read here is that six young guys beat the hell out of one young guy. From what I understand, they were kicking him in the head, stomping on his head, etc. That alone is disgusting enough, and it does make me feel like those six are dangerous and should be very harshly punished for their actions. Six on one?

But it isn't just six guys beating one guy. There is a huge cloud of racial tension surrounding the whole thing, and because the six guys were black and the one guy was white, the sentencing they received for the beating was condemned for being racist. Then the Jena Six--who did in fact attack one guy--were paraded as heroes of racial injustice, and there were rallies across the nation protesting their charges. Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson got involved, and two of the six were brought on stage at a BET awards show, thanking everyone for their support. Etc, as always.

What really bothers me about this is that most of the guys who were championed for fighting racism by rejecting harsh punishment they deserved for beating another human being were later arrested for or charged for varying degrees of battery, assault and other repeat offenses. One of the most harshly punished of the six, the one who received the majority of attention and sympathy was already a repeat offender at the time of the initial incident.

I think Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton and organizations who grab onto these kinds of things to make a point that isn't exactly relevant and often allows them to go fucking crazy on a national scale--these are some of the most dangerous people and institutions in the world.

Ohmygoodness.

2008-11-18T23:21:00.004-05:00

I have seen this several times, and evrey time I get all wiggly and excited because the hugs in it are the greatest thing I have seen in a long, long time, and I think that if I had one of my own I would be the happiest little thing in the entire world.

I am a Halloweenie.

2008-10-17T01:27:00.006-04:00

I updated to the newest version of Firefox, and I am not happy with it. For started, I can't watch my stories on Joox, the Pushing Daisies full episode player on nbc.com does not work at all, and the worst of it is that my pink theme is not supported! I have this stupid breast cancer theme that is the only suitable pink one, and it is a particularly garish shade of pink that clashes with my blog (and my heart). BT-dub, if anyone has any idea what I just referenced in that last bit there, I will be wildly surprised at how much I didn't know we had in common.

In other news, I have had Halloween on the brain lately. I am obsessing about what I should be, and I have not made much ground. So I juts looked up Halloween costume ideas, which is actually the entire reason for me updating my silly blog.

The idea here is that I have found some funny costumes that I will share with you shortly, and I am hoping that I can make some headway on my own costume ideas. Here goes!

These guys are Killer Klowns from Outer Space. Look it up, then watch it, then regret it a little. But only a little.

Ughhh. I have no idea what I want to be. This always happens, and I usually throw something together last minute. I just have never has that CLICK. Except when I was Belle from Beauty and the Beast. That was a good year.

In more of the same news, here are some options I am considering (also a very vague reference.):

I think this would be the greatest couple costume of all time.

Who knows, at this point.

This makes Ben Ben The Greatest. Officially.

2008-10-02T17:46:00.001-04:00

TO BILL BRASKY!!!

2008-10-01T16:52:00.001-04:00

I am a reggae woman!

2008-08-12T17:03:00.000-04:00

Inappropos?

2008-08-07T21:09:00.004-04:00

If you haven't heard about this, I think it's worth reading. It is fairly graphic, though.

The only thing I want to make mention of, and excuse me for being so base, but isn't it fascinating, the way humans work? How different our minds are, how one person can exist so far into one realm, and most people are so far into another. The brain is crazy. The thing I wonder most about this is not what security measures bus companies will take to prevent it from happening again. I wonder what the hell happened in that guys head. What made him do it? Did he plan it out, and does he feel anything about it?

I hope so much that he isn't just killed or locked away forever. I hope he gets studied and scrutinized, because I want to know how the hell a person can go from just some stranger on a bus to what he became.

Whoopsies!

2008-07-30T20:17:00.002-04:00

Trey--very astutely--pointed out that the link I posted in my last entry directed clickers to my blog, which is just absurd. I fixed it, so it should be working. I thought I had it right the first time, but then that debacle happened, so maybe my blog is just super vain and stealthily changed the link after I posted it. Who knows.

I do technology!

Bahhhhhh.

2008-07-28T05:47:00.005-04:00

Maybe sometime I will come out of hiding. Maybe.

I like this.

I like the word amalgam.

2008-05-15T02:01:00.003-04:00

Some day, my friends.

I only think of this when I am far too tired to do anything substantial, and then, obviously, I can't provide anyone with anything worth reading. Love those commas!

A note: I love Southland Tales. It's this ridiculous movie that I think most people should see just because I enjoyed it so much. If you didn't or don't like it, I don't care, but if you do or did, please tell me because you immediately gain points with me.

Another note: call me bad names if you feel like it, but don't make a complete ass of yourself and say negative things to me via blog comment if it is just because you are an ass. If you are witty about it and the humor is worth appreciating, by all means. Consider my blog your medium. But otherwise, you are a waste of time.

Buhhh. Some day.

The Cutes

2008-04-22T16:02:00.003-04:00

According to dictionary.com,

cute Pronunciation Key - [kyoot] adjective, cut·er, cut·est, adverb, noun
–adjective
1. attractive, esp. in a dainty way; pleasingly pretty: a cute child; a cute little apartment.
2. affectedly or mincingly pretty or clever; precious: The child has acquired some intolerably cute mannerisms.
3. mentally keen; clever; shrewd.
–adverb
4. Informal. in a cute, charming, or amusing way; cutely: In this type of movie the boy and girl always meet cute.
–noun
5. the cutes, Informal. self-consciously cute mannerisms or appeal; affected coyness: The young actress has a bad case of the cutes.

I like the last version the best.

Now, for a supplemental image. This has the cutes.

I am Spartacus.

2008-04-22T01:28:00.003-04:00

I had a domain purchased for me, and I think that is great. Completely unexpected and silly and the best thing ever. I have no idea what to do with it.

Also, I think I may be the biggest masochist-hedonist alive? I am not sure, but it feels more and more like that every minute.

I fell in love with this painting when I happened upon it in the Chicago Art Institute. You may need to shuffle those words, but that's the place and this is the painting.

The Earth Is A Man, Matta

Something to consider: the painting is the size of a large gallery wall. It was one of those times where I couldn't catch my breath and just stood there not moving for a while until someone came by and shook me out of my mesmerization.

Good things, you.

I am so sleepy.

2008-04-08T17:11:00.002-04:00

I will cut you, woman.

2008-04-07T01:49:00.002-04:00

The most efficient and productive thing I did today was paint my fingernails. And I did a great job at it. I just wish I could transfer that care and attention to my film project. I need to figure out how to project my motivation for silly, inconsequential things onto the meat of my life. I've been living in the macaroni and cheese lately. Sometimes, I skip the main course entirely and find myself in the dessert.

I ate too much ice cream, and i enjoyed every bite of it. I'm a digger. I root around in the carton and dig out the parts that have the most cookie dough in them.

A lot of what has been on my mind lately is a question of morals, and what they should be and are. Because I am fairly certain the two are not the same. There is this passage from a Joseph Campbell book I read in 9th grade that totally changed my life for a month or so. It had a definite impact on my humanity, in general, but it went above and beyond and was my focus for a while. Not any old book can become an obsession like that, but this one did. (It's called Power of Myth and very much worth reading, according to 14-year-old me.) So, this:

If you follow your bliss, you put yourself on a kind of track that has been there all the while, waiting for you, and the life that you ought to be living is the one you are living. Wherever you are -- if you are following your bliss, you are enjoying that refreshment, that life within you, all the time.

Another little bit from the same section of the book is also worth noting:

Now, I came to this idea of bliss because in Sanskrit, which is the great spiritual language of the world, there are three terms that represent the brink, the jumping-off place to the ocean of transcendence: sat-chit-ananda. The word "Sat" means being. "Chit" means consciousness. "Ananda" means bliss or rapture. I thought, "I don't know whether my consciousness is proper consciousness or not; I don't know whether what I know of my being is my proper being or not; but I do know where my rapture is. So let me hang on to rapture, and that will bring me both my consciousness and my being." I think it worked.

Joseph Campbell, The Power of Myth, pp. 113, 120, respectively

That isn't to say do what you want all the time with no regard for anything outside of that. It's more about finding what you are passionate about and going with it full force. And that is the best way to live, I think. The most depressing times I have are the ones where my mind is stagnant. People need to actively engage themselves in something, or nothing is worth anything. Ideally, this thing you choose to throw yourself into is worthwhile and valuable to you and the things you care about and stand for. Mind you, that is an ideal and is not always possible, I think. There are always downtimes, and it may take a lifetime of trying to never actually get to the fruition of that ideal, but pursuing it is the important thing. I want to do good things and be the kind of person I would respect, but I am not there and I sort of feel like I am keeping myself away from doing those things. I am enjoying myself, but no tin the right way, I guess, according to the ideals I talk about. I'm okay with this. And that is why I have been considering my morals, and the idea of morals in general.

Why isn't "okay" a word? It so is. Garbage.

It's tired in here.

2008-04-03T03:43:00.002-04:00

And so am I.

This makes me feel like at least this is out there even though I am so, so tired.

Get itttt?

She gets hysterical!

2008-03-25T15:19:00.002-04:00

I am the giant sleeping jerk.

It's amazing to me how, over the course of 50 minutes, I can go from feeling so amazingly wonderful to feeling like such a piece of shit.

Don't skip class!

Also

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, WREK. I love you.

Black?

2008-03-20T15:48:00.002-04:00

The thing about having satin bedsheets is that you spend the whole night trying not to slip out of them.

Oh.

2008-03-16T06:46:00.002-04:00

I really enjoy having my laptop on my belly?

2008-03-16T01:00:00.003-04:00

One of my favorite times is GT Account password expiration time. Why, you ask?

Because every time, as soon as I pick a new password, I yell for Charly and we share ours with each other. And they are always so funny, because we are hilarious. I would give a for-instance, but then you could infiltrate my information.

You know, pictures.

Pretty good.

I was expecting.

2008-03-14T03:33:00.000-04:00

I really thought that google imaging "baby confetti" would give me something better than what I found. I think maybe I was doing that thing where I read it baby confetti instead of baby confetti. You know?

I did find something you can buy for a newborn/new mom. It's pretty okay.

A Giant Fortune Cookie for Baby

I don't know why someone would make that, really.

With a penis all up in your vagina you don't have no defenses.

2008-03-12T06:48:00.004-04:00

I am essentially without any sort of Microsoft Office on my laptop, and it is killing me. I did not realize that it is my heroin until my stash went dry.

I can't wait to be a kooky old lady. Because I will. I want cats.

Alexyss K. Tylor gives me hope for the future.

I think this is dumb, too, but I have nothing else to do with the poems I write. And this one is for my friend.

Wake Up, Wendy!

You sang to me in a wavering falsetto, your notes settling into the pit
of my stomach waiting for an uncertain time in the life of some other me.

You gave me a pillbox filled with purpose and gumption
that I’d roll up in rice paper cigarettes to smoke in the dark.

You crashed your way into my disaster and, refusing to
pull me out, showed me how to find my own freedom.

You painted my understanding of existentialism and
whispered salvation into my collapsing ear.

You colored my world with aquamarine crayons
and christened my face with sunshine.

You taught me the size of my heart
so I could keep loving, keep fighting.

You traveled to my memories in an aeroplane over the sea,
but you are stuck to the walls of my life on pale yellow Post Its,
keeping my bright eyes awake.

And scene!

I have no idea.

2008-03-09T22:12:00.003-04:00

I am melting down. Having a melt down? I don't know. Everything feels weird and off, and all I want to do is the opposite of what I tell myself to do every day. One of those times where the decisions I can't make I need to make immediately, I want to do nothing but work and I am tired of eating candy.

The weirdest thing is that it's not a bad sort of melt down. I'm just changing my physical state. So to speak. I think I would rather sublimate.

I think this is one of the nicest things. My friend said it to me last night.

"You are the happiest girl alive. It only rains when you are sad. And that is why we are in a drought."

Accurate or not, I really loved the idea. If that isn't nice, I don't know what is.

Oh, me. I feel crazy again, and I am sort of excited about it, because it is time for little changes here and there. I just have to climb the ladder before I can go down the slide. You know?

I just successfully turned this into my livejournal from eighth grade.

I can rip off my own tights.

2008-03-04T18:05:00.002-05:00

I just had this giant fear bomb drop in my gut that maybe some people will be turned off by the absurd amount of pink that assaults their eyes when they navigate here. I hope I am so wrong about the possibility. I never was a huge fan of the color, but these days it just lightens my mood regardless of the sort of day I have had.

Pink, pink, pink.
Wonderful.

I'm not in a writing place, currently, but I have been thinking a lot lately about the things I like a lot. These are them:

Songs
Spin the Wink (Little Cat Remix) - The Velvet Teen
Rubber Traits - Why?
No Friend OH! - Xiu Xiu
A Lung - The Knife
Suffer for Fashion - of Montreal
So Nice So Smart - Kimya Dawson
Let's Make Love and Listen to Death from Above - Cansei de Ser Sexy
Girl O' Clock - The Dismemberment Plan
Tiny Heart and Clever Hand - Tender Forever
After Hours - The Velvet Underground
A Teenager In Love - Dion
Ice Cream - Muscles

Books
God of Small Things by Arundhati Roy
Cat's Cradle by Kurt Vonnegut, Jr.
Atlas Shrgged by Ayn Rand

Eats
Diet Dr. Pepper
Macaroni and Cheese
Dove's Cherry Chocolate Courtship Ice Cream
Cadbury Mini Eggs
Chocolate Milk
Cherry Preserves
Brie
Sugar Snap Peas

Things in General
Jean-Luc Godard
Fiber Optics
Laughs
Camera
Space Heaters
Makin' Bank
My Buddies
Pink
Cupcakes
The Cute
Cherry Djarums

Really, if you want to know what it is like to be me, you could try involving theese thigns in your daily life. And be sure to not get enough sleep and squeal when you are excited and laugh at everything.

I am very happy. Thank you, universe.

The Bees

2008-03-02T17:56:00.000-05:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Opm-qsGxzNY

This makes me feel all kinds of wonderful.

Cake? Cake!

2008-02-26T00:38:00.001-05:00

Annnd, another poem!
Except this one was an assignment.

The world is tearing apart.
Two halves of the same whole
pushing away from each other,
reaching for something else.
Stretching out toward empty space.
A great divide creeps along the ground
breaking mountains, swallowing cities.
The widening mouth breathes in
sucking down rivers and oceans.
An indelible mark of destruction
carves its route through existence.

I watch with an eager twinkle in my eye,
anticipating the possibilities.
I am the destroyer.

From One

2008-02-25T03:06:00.003-05:00

I don't know how to blog, but it feels like having my laptop sitting on my belly while I down some chocolate milk is a good way to start.

Also, I have a silly little poem I wrote, because I'm exhausted and I already wrote my little poem.

Coat
I am your coat.
I will wrap around you
and crush you in warmth
When your body is shaking
and ready.
I will consume you,
I will pull you into
my silk folds
and squeeze you
to make you warm.
I am going to slide
over your parts
and make you believe
that magic is real.

I am so enjoying that Justin Timberlake. Delicious.